Every Disabled Person Knows How Fetterman Felt
My vision has fluctuated over the years, only sometimes making it obvious that I’m legally blind. In college, people rarely knew how bad it was. There was no white cane or books in Braille. My friends knew little things, like how I couldn’t drive or that I used a magnifier to read books.
During an otherwise unmemorable advanced Spanish class at UC Davis, the instructor asked me to read a passage out loud from the textbook. He called on me often, probably because I usually knew the answer and was eager to respond. But not this time — reading out loud was grueling.
It felt like another “test” for a star student, an opportunity to perform and shine. I didn’t want to say no, for fear of losing that star student status.
What followed was me struggling to read; taking about three times longer than a sighted person. I awkwardly used my magnifying loop, which had to sit on the page and forced me to bend my head so far down that my nose practically touched the book. To get around this, I’d read the sentence to myself and then quickly look up and say it out loud.
The experience was painfully exhausting for me and I’m pretty sure it was painfully embarrassing for the instructor. The guy sitting next to me was infuriated. He was a roommate of a good friend and aware of my disability. He kindly walked me out of class that day and used some choice words for the instructor.
Now, this is the point where I tell you that I’ve been very lucky in life. I’ve had the benefit of a fiercely protective and encouraging immediate and extended family, supportive and accepting friends, and empathetic teachers, bosses, and colleagues.
Hence, the Reading Rainbow horror episode of Spanish class was so inconsequential that in the years that followed I forgot all about it. That is, until last week, when the commentary commenced about Democratic candidate John Fetterman’s “painful performance” at the Pennsylvania Senatorial debate.
Whether someone has a temporary health condition (like Fetterman) or a long-term disability (like me), there will be situations in which it is extra-challenging to perform up to “normal” standards. Nevertheless, we persevere, because we are taught that anything is possible, so we try to make it possible using accommodations.
But just because it’s possible doesn’t mean it’s necessary. Such situations can prick a sharp and imperceptible pin into our self-esteem, and negatively impact the opinions others form of us.
My peers in Spanish class that day didn’t know that my oratory skills had been lauded in high school. They probably wouldn’t have guessed that I would go on to ace the class. And I doubt any of them would have predicted that decades later, public speaking and presenting would be one of my strongest core competencies in my career profile.
If I was judged on that one instance alone, I would have been grossly misjudged.
That’s exactly what happened to John Fetterman. Everyone from commentators to common people weren’t just doubting whether he could still win, they fully freaked out about whether he could do the job.
What brought that long-forgotten incident in Spanish class back for me, was the foregone conclusions that this debate performance would hurt Fetterman because he didn’t meet “standards.” Whether the institution or system is politics, business, or academia, the greatest inhibitor to individuals’ reaching their full potential is the inability to reimagine the standards by which they are evaluated.
Here’s hoping that John Fetterman wins and goes on to be the groundbreaking senator he can be. Perhaps then we’ll be one step closer to a reality in which a legally blind college student will never feel pressured to read out loud in class just to show everyone that she’s a star.
Read More: There are extremely knowledgeable journalists and activists who have written far more detailed analyses of the debate and assumptions which lead to discrimination against people with disabilities.
Kamna Narain is an employee and change communications professional and coach. Learn more and subscribe to her weekly QuickRead at www.coachkamna.com.
